


The Thrilling Adventure Hour: Beyond Belief: Hey, Hey, We’re The Life and Death Brigade!

by turbo5tj



Category: Beyond Belief - Fandom, Gilmore Girls, The Thrilling Adventure Hour
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21866740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turbo5tj/pseuds/turbo5tj
Summary: I just thought up a great cast for one last The Thrilling Adventure Hour "Beyond Belief". With Frank and Sadie Doyle and guests starting Finn, Colin and Robert of the 'Life and Death Brigade' (Gilmore Girls).   Finn, Colin and Robert come to Frank and Sadie in desperate search of the long lost Founder of their beloved 'Brigade'. Brings in elements from; Beyond Belief, “Jones on Third” from 2014.
Relationships: Frank Doyle/Sadie Doyle





	The Thrilling Adventure Hour: Beyond Belief: Hey, Hey, We’re The Life and Death Brigade!

It’s time to send the little ones to dreamland and set your radio’s dial to spooky. Bolt the doors. Lock your windows, and steal yourself in mysterious suspense in this evenings final feature.  
Beyond Belief.  
Meet Frank and Sadie Doyle.  
The toast of the upper crust. Headliners on the society pages.  
And OH YES, They See GHOSTS!  
Frank Doyle: Who Cares what evil lives within the hearts of men.  
Sadie Doyle: Unless evil is carrying the martini tray darling.  
Join the Doyles as they walk Beyond Belief in an exciting episode called;  
”Hey, Hey, We’re The Life and Death Brigade!”

Frank Doyle: Sadie love, where are my outdoor shoes?

Sadie Doyle: Frank, whatever should you need those for?

Frank Doyle: Well love, I just want to break them in and you know I rarely go out, so I figure now is as good a time as any.

Sadie Doyle: Well Frank they probably are in the hall closet.

Frank Doyle: We have a ‘HALL’ closet?

Sadie Doyle: Why yes, It’s where we keep our winter coats.

Frank Doyle: We have WINTER Coats?!

Sadie Doyle: Oh Frank you silly man. Now finish getting ready or we’ll be late for the Auction today.

Frank Doyle: Ah Yes! Why are we going to the Auction house again? Weren’t we there just 2 years ago?

Sadie Doyle: Oh dearest Frank. Don’t you remember? It’s the rare Liquor auction today for our favorite charity.

Frank Doyle: Oh Yes! I love getting these special bottles for our super secret/rarely used/hard to find-Liquor stash. I wish I could remember where that damn thing is.

Sadie Doyle: It’s strange Frank, for us to have a liquor cabinet so secret that we can’t find it. Whatever would we do if our liquor ever ran out.

Frank Doyle: Sadie darling that would Never happen! Why I would brave the harshest elements, face every foe and demolish every obstacle that barred me from the liquor store, just to get you and myself a drink. Besides, after that genie situation, our bottles won’t run out anyway.

Sadie Doyle: Oh Frank, you really are a wonderful man.

Frank Doyle: And you are my wonderful, dearest Sadie. 

DING,

Frank Doyle: A drink before we venture out.

Sadie Doyle: Better make it two Darling, since it’s at least a mile to the Auction house.

Frank Doyle: Three it is!

DING,

*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK*

Frank Doyle: Sadie dearest, were we expecting anyone today?

Sadie Doyle: No Frank, I kept the calendar clear for our trip to the auction.

Frank Doyle: We have a calendar!?

Sadie Doyle: Oh Frank, how else would we schedule our Liquor related events?

Frank Doyle: True enough Sadie love, Then I shall send this whomever they are away and we shall be on ours.

Colin: Hello, Sir. Is this the home of a Frank and Sadie Doyle?

Robert: Or is this the home of Sadie and Frank Doyle?

Finn: Or is this just a home with furniture named Frank and Sadie Doyle?

Colin: That would be a strange name for a furniture set Finn.

Finn: I figure since they started naming furniture sets for people now, it’s possible that there might be a set here.

Robert: I know I’d buy a set named after a lady, Then I could lay on her and she would have no choice but to make me comfortable.

Colin: I quite agree Robert.

Finn: I'd go for it as long as it was Rich Corinthian Leather.

Frank Doyle: Sadie love I think it’s for you.

Sadie Doyle: OH what a lovely trio of young men. What brings you to our door?

Frank Doyle: And be quick about it and leave as we are leaving.

Colin: Oh sir and lady Doyle we are here in desperate need.

Finn: Our search has brought us here, to your doorstep in order to settle a debt.

Robert: And hopefully assist in our quest for our founding father.

Sadie Doyle: Frank, do you know of any debt we owe to three young men?

Frank Doyle: No Sadie, But I would consider it a debt paid if you boys would be-gone and we can be on our way.

Sadie Doyle: Oh Frank, now this could be serious. Now who are you boys.

Colin: OH, My name is Colin McCrae, This is Finn and Robert. We are members of the Life and Death Brigade and the debt is not for us, we are merely delivering the debt payment to you.

Finn: Yes, we were working with a friend of yours and he left a note that you’d be able to help us for the payment of his debt.

Robert: It’s a pretty heavy debt to be sure, nearly killed the poor busboy who pushed these here for us.

Colin: We would have carried them ourselves, but we’d probably have drunk most of it to lighten the load.

Sadie Doyle: Frank! They have boxes of Liquor!

Frank Doyle: By the mustache of Jack Daniels, Sadie. It’s a veritable liquor store stock!

Sadie Doyle: Boys, please who sent you here to our door with all this liquor?

Frank Doyle: Sadie, Do we really need to know that?

Sadie Doyle: Frank, don’t disparage bringers of the Liquor.

Frank Doyle: Apologies, do tell us who sent the liquor boys.

Colin: He was truly a wise and helpful man.

Finn: A man who gave his time and courage for our quest.

Robert: Kind of a strange guy in how he used his words to describe women as Dames.

Colin: Went by the name of Pterodactyl Jones.

Frank Doyle: I don’t think I recall the name.

Sadie Doyle: Frank! Pterodactyl Jones is your oldest friend from before you knew me.

Frank Doyle: Ahh PJ!! That old rapscallion! I knew there was a good reason we kept in touch.

Sadie Doyle: Frank, I do recall something about him owing us about 77 bottles of liquor for helping him with that trouble with him being accused of murder.

Frank Doyle: I do recall something about that.

Sadie Doyle: I keep a note of it on our bulletin board.

Frank Doyle: We Have A Bulletin Board?!

Frank Doyle: Well thank you, boys, for all this liquor. Just put it inside and we will be on our way.

Sadie Doyle: Frank, We need to at least hear the boys out on what their need is? They did deliver us all this liquor after all.

Frank Doyle: Sadie love, you always find exactly the reason to stop me in my tracks and give up everything just for you.

Sadie Doyle: Now boys do tell us why Pterodactyl Jones sent you here.

Frank Doyle: But do help in bringing the liquor in while you tell the story. It helps move the plot along.

Robert: Well, Colin, Finn and I have been members of the Life and Death Brigade since we attended College at Yale University. 

Finn: Only a few know of the clubs existence. And those who join are sworn to secrecy.

Colin: We will exempt you from those requirements but you may have to pay us off.

Frank Doyle: What would that payment be?

Finn: Probably a bottle each

Colin: Depending on what you don’t need.

Robert: Though we don’t need much.

Colin: But we’ll take all we can carry.

Finn: As much as three men can carry.

Robert: Or at least till we find a cart, then it’s as much that will fill the cart. 

Sadie Doyle: Boys, please go back to the reason you’re here.

Colin: OH well since our good friend Logan recently became joined in matrimony. Our world is darkened somewhat. 

Finn: We thought the absence of him and his betrothed would inspire us, but it seems to have left, wanting in our souls.

Robert: Yes, as if there was something missing from our lives. 

Colin: A drive that drove us, 

Finn: An omen to obsess,

Robert: A passion to pursue,

Colin: An errant to erase.

Finn: We seek the wisdom of one we are inspired by.

Robert: The founder of the Life and Death Brigade. 

Colin: He could give us the advice we need to find our way through the drudgery of life.

Finn: Or at least guidance to a never-ending mixer. 

Sadie Doyle: Frank this is a fascinating story.

Frank Doyle: Sadie it is a story but I’m getting a little peckish. Shall I warm up a drink for you?

Sadie Doyle: Frank, you know me so well.

Colin: Would I by chance be able to have a drink?

Finn: I’d like one too!

Robert: I’d be happy to have one for each of us. And maybe another for you two as well.

Colin: That’s not too much is it Robert.

Finn: Only if we start small Colin.

Robert: Small is not in our blood Finn. We Must drink to carry on.

Frank Doyle: So we’ll be opening these bottles together then!

*DING, DING,DING,DING,DING,*

Colin: As we began our search, we came to discover that our founding father had long since been dead.

Finn: As is the nature of our organization, we needed to find him in the next form of life.

Robert: We went to Pterodactyl Jones searching for any way we might be able to communicate with our beloved founder.

Colin: Mr. Jones was able to discover the whereabouts of Godrick Felonious Palladino, Esq., The founder of the Life and Death Brigade. 

Finn: He asked us to meet him at his office for a big discovery.

Robert: But when we got to his office, he was gone, and a note was on this piece of paper...

Detective Corso: Hold it right there boys!

Colin: We are holding our glasses is that enough for you Ms?

Finn: I would gladly hand you a glass if it would make it more convenient.

Robert: We are all willing to share.

Sadie Doyle: Oh Frank! I believe that’s the aforementioned Dame that accused Pterodactyl Jones of Murder.

Frank Doyle: See Here “Ms. Dame”, I don’t approve of the holding of firearms in our house unless liquor is involved. Should I pour you something?

Sadie Doyle: Another for me Frank.

Colin: I could use a refill.

Finn: I wouldn’t refuse another.

Robert: I’ll take as many as you can carry.

Detective Corso: My name is Detective Corso, and you three wise-guys are wanted in questioning for the disappearance of Pterodactyl Jones.

Colin: Wait, what?

Finn: When?

Robert: How drunk are we now?

Sadie Doyle: Dame Detective Corso? Why do you think these men have anything to do with PJ's disappearance?

Frank Doyle: Yes, please and be quick with your explanation as we do have a prior engagement elsewhere.

Detective Corso: I've been watching Mr. Jones's office for some time. Keeping track of his activities, hoping to land some evidence of his wrongdoing. Last time I checked he'd gone missing. The last people to be seen with him were these three.

Frank Doyle: She's been watching PJ, 

Sadie Doyle: For evidence of wrongdoings, PJ has a crush,

Frank Doyle: That old rapscallion.

Detective Corso: I am not in love with him.

Colin: Who said Love?

Finn: She said Love.

Robert: We didn't say love, did you say love?

Finn: I didn't, but she sure did.

Colin: She certainly did.

Detective Corso: Alright stop that, right now! What did you delinquents do with Mr. Jones? 

Colin: Nothing,

Robert: Nada

Finn: Ne’re a thing.

Robert: We went to the office because he called us and told us to come in.

Colin: When we arrived, he was gone.

Finn: There was only this note instructing us to see Frank and Sadie Doyle and to bring these 77 bottles of liquor.

Frank Doyle: Well, 60 bottles now.

Sadie Doyle: It was a very good story.

DING

Detective Corso: Let me see that note......Huh, that Is Jones's handwriting.

Frank Doyle: She knows his handwriting.

Sadie Doyle: Oh she is obsessing.

Detective Corso: Stop that!! Alright, Mr. Doyle, why would Pterodactyl Jones send these three youths to your door.

Frank Doyle: They have liquor. Is there more reason than that?

Sadie Doyle: Detective, could I see that note from PJ, something on it looks familiar.

Detective Corso: Thank you Mrs. Doyle

Sadie Doyle: Please Sadie, thirsty not in that order.

Frank Doyle: Right my love, refills all around.

Colin: Wonderful!

Robert: Excellent!

Finn: Joyful exuberance!

DING

Sadie Doyle: Oh Frank, I do recognize this piece of paper the note is on! It's part of the announcement for the Liquor charity Auction we were going to today!

Frank Doyle: Well that is truly convenient timing, we were just heading there when you all showed up.

Colin: That must be why he asked us to contact you.  
Finn: He must have known you would be going there. 

Robert: And he had us bring the liquor to entice you to listen.

Frank Doyle: Oh That Jonsey, like you Sadie my love, he can charm me with a box of liquor.

Sadie Doyle: Except I do it better.

Frank Doyle: That goes without saying Sadie.

DING.

Detective Corso: Alright, I’m not letting the three of you out of my sight until we find Mr. Jones. So let’s get down to that auction hall and..

Colin, Finn, Robert: (In unison) Find Mr. Jones!

Sadie and Frank: BID ON SOME LIQUOR!!!

Sadie Doyle: Oh and find Pterodactyl Jones too, right Frank.

Frank Doyle: Yes, Sure, that too.

Colin: This is really turning into an interesting endeavor.

Finn: I agree Colin I haven’t had this must stimulation while drinking in months.

Robert: Gentlemen, I think we are on our way to some answers.

Soon the Doyle’s and their compatriots were at the Auction house, where it was already a bustle with activity.

Frank Doyle: Sadie, Do you smell the scent in the air?

Sadie Doyle: Yes Frank, aged liquor. Oh it’s absolutely orgasmic.

Frank Doyle: There must be Thousands of bottles of liquor here.

Colin: They seem to be from different parts of the country

Finn: There’s some from Europe as well.

Robert: Hey there’s even some bottles from the far east.

Colin: I’ve never seen such a host of liquors and spirits in my life.

Detective Corso: You people really obsess about your liquors.

Sadie Doyle: Oh my dear Detective Corso. Liquor is our lifeblood of being.

Frank Doyle: Yes there is nothing in this world more precious to us than Liquor.

Auction Greeter: Mr. and Mrs. Doyle welcome to our annual liquors from around the world auction. Here are your paddles and your programs.

Sadie Doyle: Oh Frank Where do you think we should start?

Frank Doyle: Sadie we are in no rush. We can just browse until we find someplace or when we get tired of browsing.

Detective Corso: Don’t you people think we should try and figure out why Pterodactyl Jones wanted us to come down here.

Sadie Doyle: Detective Corso, I’m sure PJ will make himself known to us when he has a chance.

Frank Doyle: Yes, he has a way of getting our attention even when we are completely intoxicated just before blacking out.

Colin: Mr. Doyle?

Frank Doyle: Yes what was your name, Crokin?

Colin: It’s Colin, umm...What is that up there?

Finn: Whoa, you see that too Robert?

Robert: I do Finn? What is that?

Sadie Doyle: OH Frank, Isn’t that Harvey, the ghost of a Pterodactyl that Jones changed his name to identify with?

Frank Doyle: Why, yes Sadie. That is Harvey. What the devil is he doing above that doorway.

Detective Corso: What are you looking at? I don’t see any Pterodactyl!

Sadie Doyle: Well of course not Detective Corso. You can’t see the dead unless you have a little touch of it inside you.

Frank Doyle: Right, that is unfortunately how so many spectators and supernatural people keep showing up at our doorstep. 

Colin: Wait, then how come, Finn, Robert and I can see it?

Sadie Doyle: Well you boys said you felt an emptiness inside right?

Frank Doyle: True enough Sadie, and you recently had a proverbial “death” in your social life, per-se?

Sadie Doyle: Right Frank, You have a space that can now be filled with a new awareness.

Colin: So we can see the Dead?!

Finn: We can see those who have passed on?

Robert: We can see what has ceased to be?

Finn: Stiffs?

Robert: Bereft of life, who rest in peace?

Colin: Those who are now pushing up the daisies?

Detective Corso: I feel like I’ve fallen in with a flying circus troupe, here. You can’t really see the supernatural! That’s completely impossible.

Frank Doyle: Says the woman who has a crush on a man who’s name is Pterodactyl Jones?  
Sadie Doyle: De-”Nile” isn’t just a river in someplace I think. 

Detective Corso: He is NOT my Crush!

Finn: I think Harvey wants us to go into that room.

Robert: It would be a fair thought.

Colin: Couldn’t hurt to check.

Detective Corso: Alright, but let me go first, police business before circus clowns.

(Door swings Open creaking)

Detective Corso: Police, Hold it Right There Miss.

Frank Doyle: Well this is unexpected and yet expected.

Sadie Doyle: You were expecting to find Pterodactyl Jones held at gunpoint by a young woman?

Frank Doyle: Knowing PJ, I figured he was going to be with a dame one way or another.

Colin: Hey Mr. Jones!

Finn: Nice to See you.... Well, I guess?

Robert: Would this be one of those ‘Dame’s’ you kept referring too?

Hellen Palladino: Nobody Move, or Mr. Jones gets a bullet where it matters most.

Pterodactyl Jones: Frank, Sadie, Thank Goodness the boys found you. I was sure the bottles of liquor would draw you like blood to a female mosquito. And I’ve been stung enough by these Dames to know a little something about it. This one, in particular, is showing to be less than friendly when it comes to matters of family and property.

Sadie Doyle: Frank, Look at this room it’s a veritable cornucopia of priceless liquor!

Frank Doyle: Indeed Sadie, it’s a vast, variety and volume of voluptuous Vinos and Hooch. Shall we sample a few while we are here Dearest?

Sadie Doyle: First let’s find out what’s happening with Pterodactyl Jones.

Frank Doyle: Right oh, Jonesy, Who is this dame that has you at gunpoint?

Sadie Doyle: It would seem you always end up with some dame pointing a weapon at you.

Pterodactyl Jones: You’re not wrong Sadie. Much like the flower’s pollen attracts bees, my flower always seem to draw the killer kind bee sting.

Detective Corso: Lady, I’m Detective Corso, Homicide! Drop that gun right now or I will have to drop you. You already have a kidnapping mark on you. Don’t make the next one a death mark. 

Hellen Palladino: I’m not dropping anything until I find my father. He doesn’t deserve to be sold off like this.

Colin: Oh this is getting awfully feisty eh Finn,

Finn: Quite the scene, two women, guns drawn.

Robert: Brings a few classic movie scenes to life, right Colin?

Colin: Totally titular Robert.

Detective Corso: Wait, your father has been kidnapped? Ms. you should have reported it to the police and we could have handled this through proper channels.

Hellen Palladino: You don’t understand, the police wouldn’t help me recover my father. Because he’s already dead.

Colin: Wait your father is dead?

Hellen Palladino: Yes.

Finn: And somebody stole his body.

Hellen Palladino: No his spirit.

Robert: Wait, what now!?

Sadie Doyle: Frank this story has taken a very interesting turn.

Frank Doyle: Yes Sadie, we need to stay focused. Let me top you off as well as myself so we can focus.

Sadie Doyle: Better make it 2 darling.

Frank Doyle: 4 it is then.  
.  
DING

Pterodactyl Jones: Frank--Sadie, Allow me to introduce Ms. Hellen Palladino. Her father is the reason I contacted the boys to come to my office. He’s the one they have been searching for. I was researching the founder of the secret society that the boys were searching for. Like a dog with a flea I hunted down that train of thought to the next station and found a kink in the rails that lead me to the final resting place of one Godrick Palladino

Colin: WAIT! Your father was...

Finn: Godrick Felonious Palladino, Esq.?

Robert: Founder of the Life and Death Brigade!?

Hellen Palladino: Yes he was. Why? Are you trying to steal him too?

Colin: Not at all.

Finn: Perish the thought.

Robert: Wouldn’t dream of it.

Colin: We are searching for his advice.

Finn: Wisdom and knowledge is our quest.

Robert: His life is a life worth learning from.

Pterodactyl Jones: As I have told you before Ms. Palladino, my investigation of your late father was in regard to his status in the afterlife, not his current remains. These young men hired me to look into him and that is why I was looking into his life. We have no interest in his remains.

Hellen Palladino: You mean you three men are searching for my father for his knowledge? But of what knowledge could you gain?

Colin: The knowledge of Life Ms.

Finn: Knowledge that would grant us a path in life.

Robert: The truth to what could lead us to the greatest journey of all, Life and Death.

Colin: We seek not to do harm to your beloved father.

Finn: No we seek his experiences and the wisdom of his life.

Robert: We hope to lead a life as he did and accomplish much the same goals as he.

Colin: It’s our Quest

Finn: Our Journey

Robert: Our Mission.

Hellen Palladino: I don’t know what my father can do for you now. All I know is that I need to find My father’s bottle before it’s auctioned off. It’s all I have left of him.

Detective Corso: Wait, your father’s Bottle??

Hellen Palladino: Yes. Before he died he had a special vintage of liquor that combined the essence of not 1 but 4 liquors including Rum, Gin, Bourbon, and Vodka. The idea was to take the best parts of the 4 liquors and blend them together to create a NEW liquor. The King of Hooch, The Lord of Vintage, The Master of the Moonshiners. The ultimate alcoholic beverage. It’s potency was to be the highest proof. A single shot is all a human could have, followed by an almost immediate state of drunkenness. To make it truly unique, before it was to be distilled, he requested his remains be added to the final process. For his entire life he had spent ingesting Alcohol of every type and form, He was the Master of all Drinkers. His blood was well over 270 proof. They had to devise a special way to incorporate his remains, for cremation would have caused a massive explosion. His liver after he died was viewed to be 10 times stronger and heavier than any known to Man. Had he not broken his neck in a tragic stunt at a college reunion, he might have lived another 20 years on nothing but alcohol. 

Sadie Doyle: My word Frank, this man was probably stronger than both of us put together!

Frank Doyle: Sadie, this is a man I could see myself learning to like and may even accept him as a distant friend or relation. He truly was a unique sort of drinker.

Colin: Ms. Pallidino, this college reunion he attended. Was it at Yale University?

Hellen Palladino: Yes, that was where he attended.

Finn: Was there an event nearby, in a local golf course woods?

Hellen Palladino: Yes, not far from the campus.

Robert: Was the event hosted by the Life and Death Brigade?

Hellen Palladino: Yes, He tragically was playing his favorite game, The double shots-man. You take two shots while simultaneously shooting two skeet discs. He was completely successful, but he lost his footing and the kick from the second shot, knocked him into a keg and he broke his neck. His final words were..”In Omnia Paratus!”

Colin: Oh, would my last breath be so inspiring.

Finn: To go out in such a manner, legendary.

Robert: Oh, to be able to witness such an epic end to a life. *sniff*

Hellen Palladino: After the process to add his essence to the fermentation process, In his will, his last request was that his bottle only be served to the most stalwart and truest members of “The Life and Death Brigade”. 9 bottles were to be made, but only one was created. After the first bottle, something happened and the process had to be stopped or the whole batch would be ruined. It’s why I have to find this bottle and keep it safe until my Father’s last request can be completed.

Sadie Doyle: Oh Dear. Frank this poor woman.

Frank Doyle: Darling I hate to be nit-picking your situation, but how did your father’s bottle end up at this auction house.

Sadie Doyle: Yes and what does it look like? We should be able to find it among all these bottles if we can put down the fire-arms and work together.

Pterodactyl Jones: Like the leader of a country in desperate need of fixing, Capital idea Frank!

Detective Corso: Ms. Palladino as a representative of the NYPD, I can personally guarantee the safety of your articles, if you will just lower your weapon, we don’t want any bullets breaking bottles now do we?

Hellen Palladino: I don’t know how my father’s bottle ended up here. It was stolen shortly after his funeral and I have been trying to track it down ever since. When I saw the notice about this rare liquor auction last week, I knew I would probably find it here. That’s when I encountered Mr. Jones here and I was afraid he had stolen the bottle.

Pterodactyl Jones: I tried to explain to this dame that I was investigating the current location of her father’s ghost, along with my associate Harvey, but like a man yelling at a cornfield, there are ears there, but they ain’t listening. The reason I wasn’t able to make contact with his ghost is that his spirit resides within that bottle. It’s the spirit of the Spirit of the Master of all Drinkers. When I described the 3 men and what they had spoken to me about her father’s secret society, she pulled the gun and like an incline on a snowy night in January, I was on a slippery slope. That’s when the lot of you showed up.

Pterodactyl Jones, you certainly know how to get yourself in trouble. If I hadn’t been keeping an eye on your activities, we might have missed you completely.

Pterodactyl Jones: I appreciate the concern for my safety Detective, But like a dog some free time, I can take care of my own business.

Detective Corso: Well if that were true, you wouldn’t have involved all these people in this crazy search for a bottle of booze.

Pterodactyl Jones: Like any great novelist, you have to gather all your characters at the end of the story for a big reveal. Now we all know that Ms. Pallidino is searching for her lost father’s remains, the boys are looking for the founder of their secret society and my dear friends Frank and Sadie would never pass up a chance for a mystery involving a lot of liquor.

Frank Doyle: Ahh PJ you know us too well.

Sadie Doyle: He knows just what will draw us into a great big boozy mess.

Pterodactyl Jones: Like the final act to any mystery, the other shoe is about to drop like a case of liquor in an AA meeting. The only figure missing from this little soiree is the culprit behind our missing bottle. All of our resulting queries come down to whom plotted this whole thing from the start.

Herbert Huntzberger: And that is where I come in. 

Thug 1: Everybody hold it!

Thug 2: Hands in the air!

Detective Corso: NYPD!! Drop your weapons! 

Thug 1: You drop it Lady!

Thug 2: Yeah, we got you covered!

Herbert Huntzberger: Ms. Officer if you would please drop your weapon, we can get past these unpleasantries, I can get what I came for and we will all be on our way.

Detective Corso: Listen, whoever you are, you are already involved in theft and threatening an officer of the law. You really think that I’m going to drop my weapon when innocent (though possibly deranged) people could possibly be harmed, then you are as crazy as them. Now if you don’t want the entire New York police force after you for killing an NYPD officer in cold blood, then please be my guest. You won’t get out of the city alive. 

Herbert Huntzberger: Oh please Officer, there is no need for this. I’d hate for this to resort to violence and I only wish to get what I came for. I only had my men pull their weapons because of the hostile situation that is already going on. 

Hellen Palladino: YOU! You’re the man who came to my father asking about his liquor research and the recipe for his new liquor. Huntzberger!!

Herbert Huntzberger: Yes Ms. Palladino, and with your father’s demise, his dream of creating the ultimate liquor drink is by far the most valuable item in the world to the liquor community at large. I stand to make quite a profit from it at this auction. With the proceeds, I can finance my endeavors quite nicely.

Pterodactyl Jones: Frank, Sadie, Detective Corso, Boys, let me introduce the man behind all of our troubles. Herbert Marshall Huntzberger!

Colin: Wait... Huntzberger!?

Finn: Are you related to Mitchum and Logan?

Robert: We've met the majority of the family and you've never been among them.

Herbert Huntzberger: Ha, my pathetic little brother Mitchum is an arrogant fool and completely unaware of the true value of power. With the sales of this bottle I will become more wealthy than my brother ever could buying newspapers. This is a once in a lifetime fortune that I am not going to miss, and no one is going to get in my way. 

Frank Doyle: You really think you’ll be able to make a vast fortune off of one bottle. I highly doubt it will amount to much, don’t you think Saddie.

Sadie Doyle: Yes Frank, I highly doubt it will go for as much as you say.

Herbert Huntzberger: You might think that, but if you include the recipe for the liquor and how to duplicate it. The owner could stand to make a fortune off of the Liquor of All Liquors!!

Finn: Oh this guy clearly has no idea how the liquor industry works, does he Colin?

Colin: Indeed Finn, He really doesn’t have the slightest idea, quite a dimwit wouldn’t you say Robert?

Robert: Absolutely Colin, This Numbskull doesn’t have the slightest idea how to make money in the liquor industry. No wonder we haven’t heard about him from Logan.

Colin:To True Robert, You sir must be a complete embarrassment to your family, to think this one bottle of booze could make you a fortune is totally and completely stupid!

Colin: Idiotic ignoramus!

Finn: Mutton Headed buffoon!

Robert: Blockheaded Dumbell!

Herbert Huntzberger: Would you three miscreants shut your collective yappers before I have one of my associates plug you up the puss until their Saturday Night Specials runs out of drinks!

Pterodactyl Jones: Not while this Simile slinging gumshoe has the drop on you Huntzberger, like a bad Stock on the market. Drop the ordnance boys or yer boss gets one like a cow at a meat factory.

Frank Doyle: Excellent work PJ. You really got him right where you want him.

Sadie Doyle: Yes Frank, He surely bottled up this pilfering boozehound.

Detective Corso: You Heard the man, Drop those guns you mugs, you’re under arrest!

Pterodactyl Jones: Thanks for your assistance on this case Detective, you were like an advancing queen to my bishop checked king on the chessboard. And we won the game.

Detective Corso: I’m not all that thrilled to have to pull my gun on a case Jones. But I am glad I didn’t have to aim it at you this time around.

Sadie Doyle: Oh Frank they do look adorable together don’t they.

Frank Doyle: Sadie my love, If I had enough mind to care I’d agree wholeheartedly. But if I don’t get our glasses refilled soon, I’m going to start getting unpleasant.

Colin: Well there’s plenty of liquor back at your place right now Mr. Doyle.

Finn: Yes and we would happily get you back to it as soon as possible.

Robert: Until then, there are plenty of bottles here in this room to suffice.

Finn: Like this one Colin?

Robert: How about this one eh Finn?

Colin: This is an unusual bottle design isn’t it Robert?

Hellen Palladino: OH MY Goodness, That’s my Father’s BOTTLE!!

Pterodactyl Jones: Colin Don’t move. Steady those hands like a Heart Surgeon clearing a clotted artery. 

Detective Corso: I’ll take that stolen property, Son.

Colin: No problem Detective.

Detective Corso: Here you are Ms. Palladino. If you would come with me down to the station, we can get this whole mess cleaned up and your father’s spirit of spirits back into your possession.

Hellen Palladino: Thank you all for helping retrieve my father's remains. I can’t thank you enough. Oh and I will eventually bring the bottle to the Life and Death Brigade, but I need to hold on to it for a little while longer.

Colin: That is not a problem Ms.Palladino.

Finn: We are happy to wait for you to grieve for your loss.

Robert: And considering this event, we completely understand.

Pterodactyl Jones: Frank and Sadie, I can’t thank you enough again for coming to my aid like a pair of liquor swilling gunslingers.

Frank Doyle: Oh PJ the liquor you have passed on to us is more than enough thanks.

Sadie Doyle: Yes we shall be toasting you with it for some time.

Frank Doyle: Probably a week.

Sadie Doyle: Or a weekend at least.

Colin: Mr. and Mrs. Doyle, We do have one request we would like to ask of you.

Finn: Yes, when the time does come that Ms. Palladino can pass her father’s spirit to us. 

Robert: We would really appreciate it if you would be willing to assist us in speaking with Godrick Felonious Palladino, Esq. 

Sadie Doyle: Oh boys, of course, we would be most happy to assist you further in your quest.

Frank Doyle: As long as you provide the liquor for the event, we’ll be there with glasses and goblets to fill.

Frank Doyle: Now Sadie before we leave, let's get ourselves a case of booze for the road.

Sadie Doyle: Oh Frankenstein you know just how to end a trip on the town.

Frank Doyle: For you Sadistic, there isn’t a bottle in this town I’d love to drink more with you.

DING

**Author's Note:**

> I welcome all comments as this is my first attempt.


End file.
